By far and away the most absurd thing I’ve Googled since getting into running/triathlon:
You’ve been warned.
Why does my PMiSery take me by surprise, EVERY DAMN MONTH?
I can’t resist Burger King breakfast (ham and cheese biscuit sandwich, no egg THANKS).
I cry at everything, including (but certainly not limited to):
* Bike rides .
* Downton Abbey.
* Looking at my scheduled workouts for the next day.
* Feeling trinormous and believing that I will never figure out a nutrition plan that allows me to train and not gain a pound a day and I will never fit in my wedding dress and life will be unhappy forever WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Thankfully, I live with a genius. When I initiated a conversation about setting our wedding date, he calmly responded:
“We don’t have to decide anything in the next ten minutes. Why don’t we discuss this later?”
He also came home with a KitKat and watched four episodes of Archer with me. He is not in the danger zone.
In a few days, when I deflate and the world feels less heinous and weepmaking, I will feel silly about writing this post. And about 3.5 weeks later I will again be a homicidal marshmallow with no idea why.
I’m an idiot.
Some photographic jewels from the weekend:
I love you. And I’m sorry.
During the most brutal TDM thigh sets, you burn but don’t surrender.
You never complain.
You bronze perfectly after a single afternoon in the sun.
You were the first body part to give me awesome visible muscle definition when I started working out.
You make me feel like a confident rungoddess in my skirts!
You protect my knees with your generous shock absorption.
On Sunday, I made you run for 2 hours, 13 minutes and 22 seconds. You took every impact like true champions. As soon as I was finished, you waited patiently as I stretched my calves, hamstrings, IT bands, and back. As each body part was thoroughly foam rolled and iced, you quietly assumed that you were next.
Monday morning, you helped me realize the error of my ways. As the rest of my body moved silently, you sang me the OWIE! song. You didn’t prevent me from running today but you certainly made your presence known. Duly noted and much appreciated.
Last night I had a dream in which I had a dream that I had knee pain.
I did not cut and paste that incorrectly.
In my dream, I was trying to figure out if I had dreamed that I had knee pain or actually did. I thought I was awake (in the dream) until I woke up and realized that an Inception thing was happening. In the dream, I also consoled some A-list celebrity on her breakup while walking through a sand dune. I also just remembered that I was trying to find a podcast of Fresh Air with cast members from Six Feet Under and I think I got to listen to Frances Conroy!
Welcome to my subconscious. Totally don’t blame you for wanting to run away as fast as you can.
I can trace back every element of this dream so of my dreams, it’s actually one of the less baffling ones:
* Right before bed, I read that Robert Pattinson had spoken in vague terms to Jon Stewart about his cheating girlfriend. They shared ice cream. I’m sure ice cream was also in my dream and I just don’t remember. Also, I read that Jennifer Aniston is marrying Justin Theroux (who was on Six Feet Under!) The celeb in my dream was an Anistonesque.
* Justin Theroux clearly planted the SFU seed but I also listened to two old episodes of Fresh Air yesterday while I was icing my knee and foam rolling. Love me some Terry Gross. One with Dean Norris (Breaking Bad) and one with a dude who is an expert on Paul Ryan and was fairly certain that Romney would distance himself from Ryan. If by “distance” you mean, make him president instead, then yes! You are correct!
* Yesterday, I had some pain in my right knee. My body mostly felt good considering that I RAN TEN MILES but I did have some twinges of discomfort. Nothing some ice and some seriously painful minutes on the foam roller couldn’t alleviate.
See, I’m not crazy!
In other news, my delightful life companion bought me an ENTIRE BOX of Larabars on Amazon. It feels like Whole Foods up in here.
Any weird dreams lately? Are your weird dreams as traceable as this one was?