The One Where She Buys a Wetsuit

Oh triathlon.  Oh 2012-2013.  SO MANY FIRSTS.

ALL THE FIRSTS.

In the most recent edition of Way The Fuck Outside My Comfort Zone Quarterly, I bought a wetsuit!

It started with some casual browsing on Craigslist.  I’d looked a couple times but didn’t feel motivated to contact anyone.  Then I saw an ad for someone literally five minutes from my house with several new suits for $50/each.  I contacted her and she had a couple in my size.  For $50.  Seriously!

I enlisted one of my besties, Tonia, to come with me for the dual purpose of protecting me from some kind of CraigslistKiller and photographing my first attempt at encasing my body in neoprene.  Truly, I wasn’t that concerned.  One of the Craigslister’s replies came from an iPad so I trusted her.  I probably deserve to be mutilated by a stranger for that level of stupidity.

We arrived at the house and were greeted by Virginia and her husband (didn’t catch his name.)  They were super friendly and most definitely not killers of any sort. I had sent my measurements and they had looked at the suit manufacturer’s size charts to pre-select ones that would fit me.  Off to the bathroom I went to slip it on.

BWAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAH

Just. Get. Up. My. F*cking. Leg!!!!!!!

Just. Get. Up. My. F*cking. Leg!!!!!!!

Oh my GAWD.  Why did Twitter not warn me how difficult this was?!?!?!  I had to stop to breathe and calm myself several times.  My legs are super thick so the appropriate size does NOT go on easily on my bottom half.  Since it wasn’t my suit yet, I couldn’t use baby powder, body glide, or an entire can of Pam.

I finally got it on after about twenty minutes, no joke.  The crotch was at my knees.  Couldn’t get it on my torso.  Crap.  Back to the drawing board.  This time with the ankles of the suit several inches above my actual ankle, even though I have short legs.  Weird.

After another twenty minutes and many encouraging words from Virginia, Nice Husband of Virginia, and Tonia, I was almost there!

Action shot.

Action shot. Note the sweat, er, GLOW.

IT FIT!  Thank god because there was no way I was trying another one on.  They assured me that it would be much easier in the future and that even though it was  difficult to put on, it was certainly the right size.  It felt pretty weird but I had full body mobility, especially in my shoulders where it really matters.  The crotch was nearer to my crotchal region, though I think I’ll hike it up a bit more next time.

HEY EVERYONE!  COME SEE HOW GOOD I LOOK!

HEY EVERYONE! COME SEE HOW GOOD I LOOK!

Kinda rocking the wetsuit look.  It’s like full body industrial spanx!

So, now I have a wetsuit and the world of ColdNorthernCalifornianWater triathlon is wide open.  So, I um registered for the Mermaid Tri in Alameda on June 9th.  20 days before my planned triathlon debut at the California Sprint Tri.

They forgot BRING IT!

They forgot BRING IT!

[Source]

Holy shit.  I’mma be a triathlete in less than a month.  More to say on this decision but even though I have freakout moments, I am very excited and I feel ready.  It’s on my home training turf, the swim is short, and it’s a newbie friendly event.  I say, bring it!

Bring on the wetsuit tips!

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5 thoughts on “The One Where She Buys a Wetsuit

  1. JennK says:

    Looking good! I can’t even imagine trying to put one on…

  2. Amanda says:

    Haha! I love this! I haven’t been looking for wetsuits, but a while back I was looking at bikes on Craigslist, and I was super careful about what ads I responded to because I’m terrified of getting killed. Either way, glad you found non-creepy people to sell you a quality wetsuit for a STEAL!

  3. Mary Sue says:

    Tons of Body Glide around your wrists, the backs of your hands, on your ankles will help it go on much easier. As for getting out of it easily, I’ve got no advice for you.

  4. […] thing I’m nervous about is my ability to put on my dang wetsuit.  The first time posed a serious challenge.  The suit has been sitting in my closet, waiting for me to get up the nerve to try again. […]

  5. marker069 says:

    My god you look so amazing in your tight shiny neoprene triathlon wetsuit with your great body…..
    KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK BABE

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