How To Have a Sh*tty Run

Craving a truly miserable run? Here’s a step by step guide to ensure that you will hate life every step of the way.

1. Don’t eat anything before you run. Eat a metric ton of pizza the night before and assume that you’ve carbo-loaded.

2. Start off really fast. Warming up or easing into a challenging tempo can quickly turn into an enjoyable, comfortable run and where’s the fun in that?! Instead, take off like a bat out of hell, preferably on an incline.

3. Don’t bring water or run on a route where water is available to you. Hydration is for thirsty losers who don’t want their lips to crack and bleed after their workout.

4. Avoid stretching, foam rolling, or icing. Ever.

5. Trip over something, soar through the air, and narrowly miss eating pavement. Your heart rate will go through the roof. Since it hasn’t come down from your opening mile “time trial”, you’re sure to feel superMEGAMISERABLE.

6. Wear ill-fitting cotton. No explanation necessary.

7. Lose your way. Turn your miserable 4 mile run into a miserable AND seemingly endless 5.5 mile run. Bonus coins if your additional mileage has hills.

8. Finish out with a sprint.

Hey, if you’re gonna have a sh*tty run, you might as well be proud at the end, right?

9. Document the hideous aftermath.

Any tips for a horrible, no good, very bad run? 😀

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6 thoughts on “How To Have a Sh*tty Run

  1. Eat a lot of fiber the night before and then run somewhere with no bathrooms 🙂

  2. runninghaiku says:

    Don’t forget a hangover or drinking before you run. I remember a race where my head hurt more than anything else…

  3. […] run inspired my last post, particularly the part about starting too fast.  Nice thing was that I nearly maintained this pace […]

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